I didn’t go to school yesterday because I obviously came home a tad too late last night after a few days of working, I barely had more than 24 hours of sleep in the last three days.. I accidentally overslept. I really wanted to go to school. But I didn’t so I spent the day with my sis and Herman. We went to Parkway.. had lunch and played pool. Harj came and then I had to leave for work, in which I was late for about an hour. Nothing new.

And we ended work early because there was nothing to do; so we closed the shop and I went home. I think it has been ages since I last talked to my mum. And when I got home, I told her I wanted to drive and so my dad, my mum and me took a little trip to Downtown East and had very late dinner and dessert. I miss spending quality time with them. And I was really upset about what she told me today because after all. I’m still her daughter and I will always love her no matter how much time and time again she does that little nagging thing over and over.

Anyway, I don’t feel like continuing my entry. So.. there goes..

Cloud Over My Head.

I’m still up and I have school tomorrow. My grades.. they are gonna be hurt big time.

I’m not sure why I’m so hungry but I saw the Meltz that my sis bought from my mum (even though I absolutely HATE the taste of BBQ sauce!) and half eaten chicken in the kitchen so.. I’m devouring them right about now.

I realised I haven’t been updating. Maybe because my thoughts are rather much too precious to even be publicized. You know.. with the kepo people around; I’m being specific here.. you’d know who you are – trying really hard to know what I’m up to; and then say things which is rather unnecessary. Let me do you this favour – I’m saving you from the sins of not even having anything to talk about. Works better.

SCHOOL TOMORROW.

And I need to quit soon – because I love my mum more than I love the job. Actually I love the job but I don’t want her to disown me so, I’ll quit.

Kind.

I feel like I have nothing much to update.

AND life has been treating me kind – I’m having toooooo much fun la! (:

Some Things.

I’m on MC for two days – for almost getting fever and body aches, whatever not. Sigh. I need to take my medicine.

But its also a good time spent with the babe, if not good then, much much better. She’s incredible.

A few days ago, I was sitting down and thinking – its so easy for someone to wake up and totally feel the next when they shouldn’t. But maybe that’s life. Sometimes, we take the little things for granted. We take the ones we love for a ride, for thinking that they’d always be there to love. And most of the time, we say it, we say it for the sake of saying and after sometime, every words said has no more value; no real/true meaning. I would have to admit, that there was a point of time in which I was bitter, thinking no one would understand and while you have prayed to help, we stand at a junction that at this end, I am still thankful because you taught me what it was like to go through hardship even for the slightest moment, it was one of the best.

Generally, it has been for me but as much as you made me try, I have. If not for the good, then it must be for the better. What matter most now is that, I’m happy. And I have not felt this happy for the longest time.

Ever since two weeks back when you told me to be honest with myself, I listened. And my heart has opened up to greater heights, I’m walking through that path whereby I made a decision, painstakingly and I patiently tried my best – it worked. I thank God for every strength that I’m bestowed with and the ultimate remedy of my broken heart, fixed and came in a form of an angel, whom I refused but succumbed to in the end, for the lack of a better judgement. It came in the form of my goon.

I don’t think there’s even any words to begin with but I am here now, to hold you, to just be the person that you want me to be. I will make this work with you no matter how challenging and how rough it may get. Through it all.

Goon, I miss you already.

Sullen.

Been spending a lot of time with my aunt; who is probably going to ship her ass off to Emirates in a few weeks time. A month maybe. And I’m so darn sad. I don’t want her to go but me not wanting her to go is being selfish – but she said she’ll reconsider it and if she stays.. then, I think I will be nice to her la. Hehe. For a start, I’d stop calling you bimbo.

And Abg Mahfudz has been really nice la – he let me drive his car; which is not a rare thing. He doesn’t just allow anyone to and I’m so happy when he allowed me to and for the first time, no one was saying anything to me or scolding me about the way I drive. Huuummmm.

AND AND AND.. my whole week is packed – with work and sleep and more work.

Grrrr.

Back Off.

I’m sick and tired of having to run and hide every truth.

Ok, so what if I do the things I do? Why does it bother you guys so much ah? I’m old enough to know – to do what I do, to know the consequences and to face up to it.

Yeah, don’t involve them. I’m sure they have enough on their mind and I have my dues to pay. Like my uncle said, when I eat, you pay?  No right? I’m not trying to be rude but just leave me alone. Please.

So yeah, not close to me, so just stay away. Keep your distance and I would know how to keep mine.

Stop keeping tabs on me. Its not helping.

This is life la ah.

Skyy.

I love working where I’m working now. There’s always something new to learn. We had a function yesterday and it was so damn cool to work with Abg Halim because he’s so laid back and I think we’re all crazy – I just wanted to remember with what happened to the banana fritters with ice-cream and how I happily.. dumdidum for Jun and Cindy (:

Nothing much this days – things are ok.  Gf complaining I’m always not around because of the moolah. SO HOW BABY? You want to pay for everything is it? Heh?

That’s all. Alot of things to come. Looking forward to it everyday.

Pointless.

You know that feeling when you have alot of friends, your time is filled up, your life is complete but you feel empty and worthless inside?

Yes, dealing and crying doesn’t help. I hate feeling this way. It drives me crazy and bring me to the edge where all I wanna do is jjjuuuuuuuuuuusssssssssssssttttttttttttttttt goooooooooooooooooooooo!

I want to have one on my own – with you behind and we watch the world go by in the bright morning light; to a place, a place only we both know.

I’m wincing in pain – each time I think about it. Grrrrrrrrrrrr. My entry is getting pointless by day and I start work at 4 today. Aku suka last min schedule tukar.

Something to be excited about – my bill is only fifty plus this month! WHICH MAKES ME A HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY PERSON. Hmmmm. What a nice feeling! I think the fact that at a point of time whereby my gf is hp-less is the best. Haha. Hilangkan handphone lagi, please (:

Ok, I still feel lousy. Like crap – but whaddaheelll.

Darkness.

“You used to captivate me by your resonating light
Now I’m bound by the life you left behind
Your face it haunts my once pleasant dreams
Your voice it chased away all the sanity in me
These wounds won’t seem to heal
This pain is just too real.. “

I feel like crying still. But putting up a strong front seems to be the easiest. I don’t want to come off weak but I feel so lousy. I feel like crap. Why am I pretending to be this strong when I’m granted to feel? Trust me, this time round, its not my emofied feelings.

I’m so tired. I slept only for two hours and I can’t seem to sleep. The images won’t go away. And I know its going to stay for a while.

Dear, I wish you knew. I wish you knew how much I’m hurting right now – and I can’t deal with anything . To hide and keep running. It must have been some crazy thing but this is where I stand now. I don’t know where to go.

Would you understand?

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