Raindrops.

Dinner was okay. It was nice – we had that talk. I can’t look in her in the eyes pretending we’re friends.. because, no, I love you.

I love you and will do anything to be with you for just one more day.

I’m weak. I really am.

I miss you baby.. I feel the raindrops are like the tears from my eyes.

Aku pulang tanpa dendam
Ku terima kekalahanku
Rebahkan tangguhmu
Lepaskan perlahan
Kau akan mengerti
Semua..

Dinner.

Every little thing I do alone, I miss you.

Nurul asked me deep in my heart I wished you’d still be with me. Maybe not anymore.. I used to wish such. My heart has given up.

And even though the weather hasn’t been on my side, I feel warm and safe still in the comfort of my own world. I’m finally moving on. I’m finally allowing myself to look at other girls and say they’re hot when they are.. and those with brains as well. Look and brains.. Hoho.

I know, you have to rush through your studying but that doesn’t mean you can skip your dinner. I mean, the journey home is not out of the way, I’m not asking you to go town.. Its just by your house. We eat, I’ll walk you home. Its just a simple dinner.

But hey, its okay..

Strangers.

i don’t know your thoughts these days
we’re strangers in an empty space
i don’t understand your heart
it’s easier to be apart..

Class 2B.

Today I had my first taste of being independent. I woke up, bathe, took the bus alone and enrolled myself at Ubi for Class 2B. I am so excited.

I felt a rush of excitement and a tinge of achievement doing things on my own. I had planned to take my license with so many different people but at the end of it, I’m the only one giving myself a headstart.. and thanks to my sister, she made it possible for me I’m thankful to her.. but she’s excited too.. Hurhur. I am nervous because I have no one to go tell things to or attend lessons with.. but it is the first for me too.. being independent. After a long time.. I am doing something for myself.

Oh, and my next car tp will be in Feb. Two license. Hmmm. I have choices. If I go out with the girls, there can be the car. If out solo, hurhur, I have the bike.

Ap took me on his KR yesterday. Really comfortable for pillion, no doubt. Hugging mugging kinda bike. Suka.. I want it because I still want to feel the girl body so close to mine (:

LOVE.

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Abstruse.

Another depressing night. Sigh.

I still love you baby. I always will.

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Stop.

My heart was beating slower than usual this morning. Then, there’s the rare occurrence of my breathing so weird and I couldn’t open my eyes yet once again.

Her sentence was full of insults. I allowed myself to hear everything she has to say. She put me down time and again – how I never moved on, how I choose to not be strong and not walking away from it.

Truth is, you have never loved me as much as I do for you. What is it that you want me to say? Yes, I made a mistake, I admit it. Yes, it was all my fault. But that was over. I see other couples, go through it, and yes, it takes alot to be able to just move away. I don’t think I’ve ever loved someone as much as I do for you.

I take comfort in everything that Mel has to say; every little thing. I love you but I don’t have to be with you. I need you, but maybe its not so bad just being friends. Its not my lost anymore.

It just hurts me that whatever you want, I still buy them for you. It hurts that you’d never think about how I feel anymore. But its okay..

Someday you’d stop loving me.

Tears.

I can’t really describe how I’m feeling right now. I’m lost.. and I miss her.

But its only a day.

I cried in class, it was the last thing I ever imagined doing. I was sobbing mad yet once again, like a kid and Fatin was being really nice. It was so bad that I think one of my classmate nearly cried looking at me cry. She told me that she felt really sad when she saw me cry. I hate crying in public. That include my classroom.

It was raining when I was walking to work just now. And I cried while walking again, knowing that now, I’m really on my own.

Find me the strength for better days ahead..

Absolute Sadness.

She said the inevitable today – something I never wanted to hear but I know the time has to come.. I guess, today was the day.

Its raining and its cold outside. I need the strength of my friends to move on.

I’m sure I can do this.

“don’t expect me to report to you.. i’m never coming back and you know that..”

Yeah, the time has to come. I have no choice now.